Happy Holidays Corfu Magazine
Articles and Features (published quarterly) about Corfu and its many attractions
Humour
Vol. 2, No. 1; September 15, 2006
© 2005-2006 Happy Holidays Corfu
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Humour by Dave Hunt
BULLETIN FROM CORFU NEWS NETWORK.
Dateline 1 August 2006
Sir David Hunt and Lady Daphne Duffy reporting
The World Wildlife Fund has declared that tourists on Corfu are now a protected species.
But if this is the tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
An enterprising company is offering adventure holidays in Iraq and Afghanistan, all safety equipment provided (including Flak jackets) and help with out of pocket expenses.
They have also come up with a possible solution to the Bird Flu problem, the idea being that they will attack Turkey, bomb the Canary Islands, and anyone heard speaking pidgin English will be isolated at Guantanamo Bay!
Contact: www.blairbushbaby.com/cynic
And...
Corfu News Network has discovered that the proposed merger between two adventure holiday providers, Go-Ghaza and Hezbollah Holidays, is unlikely to go ahead.
This has been confirmed by Reuters.
Incidently, we have learned that the only chemical weapons of mass destruction on Corfu are Ouzo, Retsina and Tsipouro. They do however have vast stockpiles!
And we trust that you realise that Retsina is an anagram for 'nastier' and 'stainer'!
Our correspondent Mrs Malaprop has been in contact with HHC; her latest cooking tip is concerned with
Coq au Vin. She recommends that you should masturbate your cock in a dry wine for at least two hours!
She also reports from the Vatican that a Papal Bull has been issued, which states that men must show much more respect for ladies and treat them genitally!
And on the same sacreligious note...
A friend recently went to Jerusalem and wanted to visit the Wailing Wall. He couldn' remember the name, so he asked the cab driver to take him to the place where the Jews cried. He finished up at the tax office!
And lastly...
A rather large lady friend recently went on an interesting dieting holiday in Zimbabwe, the concept being that since there is no food available, you don' eat. She lost 3 kilos, so it must work. She comes from Yorkshire and realised that if you write the president's name backwards, it comes out as E, BA, GUM!
